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shelwassTitle: Tiny Time Lord
Characters: Eleventh Doctor, Craig Owens
Rating: PG
Genre: Crack!Fic
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, its characters, or its universe. It belongs to BBC.
Summary: There's a familiar toddler on Craig's doorstep.
Word Count: 581
It was one of those mornings; the toaster’d broken, the kitchen pipes had burst, and Sophie had taken a nasty tumble over Alfie’s toys.
The place was a disaster--water everywhere, last night’s pizza box strewn haphazardly on the counter--and Sophie’s parents were scheduled to arrive that afternoon.
So, when the doorbell rang, Craig heaved a sigh and slung a towel over his shoulder. They’re too early! he thought frantically. Maybe it’s just peddler. Plastering a smile on his face--just in case it wasn’t--he opened the door.
And then he looked down.
“Hello Craig!” The tiny child squeaked enthusiastically. Adjusting his bowtie, he continued, “Bit of a problem--nasty group of people--did this to me.” He gestured to himself, and Craig’s eyes raked over his disconcertingly small form, replete with tiny suspenders and tweed.
“Doctor?” he asked dumbly.
“Haven’t been a toddler in a very long time!” the mini-Doctor continued, clapping his hands gleefully and bounding inside. “Could use some help. I may need some diapers.” He leaned in conspiratorially and whispered--to Craig’s knee--“Physiological control isn’t what it used to be.”
“What happened!?” Craig exclaimed, racing after the tiny Time Lord as he bounded toward the kitchen.
“Master’s laser screwdriver--has a nasty aging effect. I was a very old man, Craig. Actually, I am a very old man,” he admitted, straightening his bowtie as he pridefully added, “I just look very, very young.”
“It turned you into a child?” Craig asked, his brow furrowing.
“Some scientists at UNIT were playing with it--reset it to its original function. It’s meant to make you younger. Luckily, they didn’t set it on overdrive; I could be a fetus. That would be much, much worse.”
“Why would people from the government do this to you?” Craig asked, dumbfounded.
“Keep up, Craig!” The little Doctor was again racing through the house, up the stairs.
“You’ll wake Alfie!” Craig cried, and the toddler ignored him.
“They weren’t really UNIT,” the tiny Time Lord continued. “They were from Raxacoricofallapatorius.”
“Raxi...” Craig’s voice trailed off.
“Big people, Craig. With zippers on their heads.”
“Doctor--you’re not making any sense.”
“Are there any roentgen bricks?” the Doctor asked. Very seriously, he added, “They’re good to play with.”
“I don’t know! Is this one?” He picked up a plastic, green box with more holes than swiss cheese, and held it out toward the Doctor. “Sophie bought it.”
“No, no, no,” the mini Time Lord tutted, heaving a sigh. “They’re radioactive--don’t let me play with them, Craig!”
“But I thought you said--”
“You need to help me behave like a normal human child,” the Doctor said. “Now...what do babies do?”
Craig sighed. “Don’t you speak baby?”
“Of course! Very wise, Craig. I’ll ask Stormy. Is he in there?”
“That--that’s not what I meant!” Craig stuttered, chasing after the toddler.
The small Doctor stared up, wide-eyed, at the door. “Help me open it.”
“You’ll wake Alfie.”
“I need his help. Adults are useless...”
“Did that laser thing affect your mind?”
“Maybe a bit...Never was very stable. The man who created it became quite the monster. Literally. He mutated.” The mini Doctor rocked back and forth on his heels. “Come on, Craig! Open the door. And then I want a snack.”
Characters: Eleventh Doctor, Craig Owens
Rating: PG
Genre: Crack!Fic
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, its characters, or its universe. It belongs to BBC.
Summary: There's a familiar toddler on Craig's doorstep.
Word Count: 581
It was one of those mornings; the toaster’d broken, the kitchen pipes had burst, and Sophie had taken a nasty tumble over Alfie’s toys.
The place was a disaster--water everywhere, last night’s pizza box strewn haphazardly on the counter--and Sophie’s parents were scheduled to arrive that afternoon.
So, when the doorbell rang, Craig heaved a sigh and slung a towel over his shoulder. They’re too early! he thought frantically. Maybe it’s just peddler. Plastering a smile on his face--just in case it wasn’t--he opened the door.
And then he looked down.
“Hello Craig!” The tiny child squeaked enthusiastically. Adjusting his bowtie, he continued, “Bit of a problem--nasty group of people--did this to me.” He gestured to himself, and Craig’s eyes raked over his disconcertingly small form, replete with tiny suspenders and tweed.
“Doctor?” he asked dumbly.
“Haven’t been a toddler in a very long time!” the mini-Doctor continued, clapping his hands gleefully and bounding inside. “Could use some help. I may need some diapers.” He leaned in conspiratorially and whispered--to Craig’s knee--“Physiological control isn’t what it used to be.”
“What happened!?” Craig exclaimed, racing after the tiny Time Lord as he bounded toward the kitchen.
“Master’s laser screwdriver--has a nasty aging effect. I was a very old man, Craig. Actually, I am a very old man,” he admitted, straightening his bowtie as he pridefully added, “I just look very, very young.”
“It turned you into a child?” Craig asked, his brow furrowing.
“Some scientists at UNIT were playing with it--reset it to its original function. It’s meant to make you younger. Luckily, they didn’t set it on overdrive; I could be a fetus. That would be much, much worse.”
“Why would people from the government do this to you?” Craig asked, dumbfounded.
“Keep up, Craig!” The little Doctor was again racing through the house, up the stairs.
“You’ll wake Alfie!” Craig cried, and the toddler ignored him.
“They weren’t really UNIT,” the tiny Time Lord continued. “They were from Raxacoricofallapatorius.”
“Raxi...” Craig’s voice trailed off.
“Big people, Craig. With zippers on their heads.”
“Doctor--you’re not making any sense.”
“Are there any roentgen bricks?” the Doctor asked. Very seriously, he added, “They’re good to play with.”
“I don’t know! Is this one?” He picked up a plastic, green box with more holes than swiss cheese, and held it out toward the Doctor. “Sophie bought it.”
“No, no, no,” the mini Time Lord tutted, heaving a sigh. “They’re radioactive--don’t let me play with them, Craig!”
“But I thought you said--”
“You need to help me behave like a normal human child,” the Doctor said. “Now...what do babies do?”
Craig sighed. “Don’t you speak baby?”
“Of course! Very wise, Craig. I’ll ask Stormy. Is he in there?”
“That--that’s not what I meant!” Craig stuttered, chasing after the toddler.
The small Doctor stared up, wide-eyed, at the door. “Help me open it.”
“You’ll wake Alfie.”
“I need his help. Adults are useless...”
“Did that laser thing affect your mind?”
“Maybe a bit...Never was very stable. The man who created it became quite the monster. Literally. He mutated.” The mini Doctor rocked back and forth on his heels. “Come on, Craig! Open the door. And then I want a snack.”
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Date: 2013-02-21 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-21 08:29 pm (UTC)